Welcome!

My niece joined the family on July 12th, 2010. This special young lady's mother is my younger sister, which in classic Chinese culture makes me her Jiu Jiu (舅舅) -- thus the title of this blog. Here I intend to semi-regularly post reflections, thoughts, stories, and assorted whathaveyous pertaining to our trip to China, adoption in general, and (mostly) watching my niece grow up. Since the web is a very public place, I will attempt to maintain my family's privacy while telling the story... but I invite you to follow the blog and come along for the adventure!

Tuesday, September 1, 2026

Requiem for A Cat

 He showed up one day early in May 2010 (just a few days before AJ received her official match with Miriam), peering into the house through the sliding glass door out back.  Out of more than 720 houses in the neighborhood, he knew which one to go to. Mom & Dad see apparently homeless cute kitty, Mom & Dad invite cute kitty in, Mom & Dad feed cute kitty chicken and a little milk and try to talk themselves out of keeping cute kitty.

Deciding that maybe it wasn't the right time, Mom & Dad took cute kitty to the county shelter... until 3-4 days later, when the shelter calls to say cute kitty is really sick and may be euthanized because of it. Our folks being the people they are, they immediately told the staff to wait, drove to the shelter, and took cute kitty to the vet who the family had been working with for a few years with other assorted four-footed family members.

It turned out that he was indeed a very sick little kitty, but the vet was able to save him and our folks decided it would be unwise to fight the Cat Distribution System so Tigger became a member of the family. 


We joked about how Miriam wasn't our only adoptee, and carefully introduced her to Tigger shortly after she came home. She indicated her acceptance of her four-legged semi-sibling by licking him. (Yes, you read that right, it wasn't the other way 'round. <g>)

 

Tigger quickly learned when it was good to be around the Pipsqueak and when it was best to find a quiet corner to hide in for a while, and just like the old stories say, everybody got along famously.  There was that one time she tried to paint him with chocolate ice cream, but he did seem to (eventually) forgive her.

 

We all settled into our family patterns, with Tigger occasionally getting paws or tail accidentally stepped on, but for years he was just another member of the family. He'd greet us at the door, especially if we came in through the garage, and each of his humans had a particular type of scritching he liked them -- and usually no one else -- to do.  (For me it was the under chin/base of ear scritch/rub; Miriam's assigned role seemed to be to scritch between his ears and shoulders.)

It wasn't long before we also learned how intelligent this little feline was. He'd whack your foot if he wanted attention, and if that didn't work he'd whack your leg. If Mom was late feeding him breakfast, he'd start playing with the metal drawer pull on a particular piece of furniture that made a bit of a racket, stopping only when Mom would head for where his food was kept. If he got hungry during the day, he quickly learned that whacking one particular kitchen cabinet with a loose door would produce a very satisfying drumming sound that his humans could not ignore -- and would continue until he got at least a snack. And he always somehow knew, even if I prepared his carrier the night before and left it in the garage, when I was stopping by to take him to the vet and he would disappear somewhere in the house, often avoiding discovery & capture by as much as 45 minutes while the entire family would search for him on hands & knees.  (He was also very polite; when fed, he'd run to his bowl and stick his face in & start chowing down... then stop, walk over to whoever had fed him, and do a little thing that person's foot with both his front paws to say "thanks" before running back to his bowl and stuffing his face.)

 

Around the time Dad started to get sick, Tigger also started showing signs of declining health. The diagnosis was megacolon -- where the musculature of the colon literally stretches out too much to be able to squeeze out waste.  Somehow, with help & advice from the vet and a few forays into "this med didn't work, maybe that one will" we got him through the crisis. From that point on, Tigger ate high fiber foods to which we'd add Miralax twice a day, and all was well.

After we lost Dad in 2023, Tigger became more of a companion for Mom. He'd be more underfoot during the day, and at night he'd wait for her to get into her recliner before jumping up to join her, pushing her around a bit to get his spot "just so" until he decided it was time to prowl again. Usually several times a night... which was annoying, but Mom was glad to have something else alive in with her in the otherwise empty house.

Sometime in 2024, we noticed an odd growth on Tigger's neck, right under his collar. Concerned for his saftety & comfort, we took him to the vet and the growth turned out to be cancerous. It, along with another they found (that we'd missed) were removed, and after staying at the clinic overnight for observation, we brought Tigger home. 

When Mom got sick in 2025 and spent the entire month of February in one or another facility, Tigger was pretty much left to his own devices. I would visit at least twice a day, making sure he had food and fresh water, and tried to spend a little extra time talking with him.  I could see a change in Tigger's behavior; by the end of the month, he'd become really clingy, asking to be picked up & held much more than ever before. When Mom finally got back home, it was several evenings before he returned to his old habits, choosing instead to bother her for much longer periods many more times each night.


There were more problems developing late last year, and early this year Mom & I had to run Tigger over to an emergency clinic. They saved him (barely), but we think he was injured in the process; he never walked quite the same, and literally never just sat down (he always ended up laying on his side) after he came back home.  He still welcomed each person's assigned scritches and pets, and was happy to eat again... although now his meals were a much more expensive specialized food for older cats with GI tract problems. 

He also absolutely loathed the painkiller that had been prescribed, but had some real problems moving around without it so we returned to our old vet for a checkup. That's when we discovered that Tigger was again having some megacolon-related problems, but was also showing signs of other problems we hadn't seen before. We got a new pain control drug and some new guidelines, and took him back home.

 (NOTE: After doing a bunch of research, I'm sad to say that literally every drug used for pain control in cats is also toxic to cats. There's one new drug that's hard to get hold of that probably isn't, but studies are still underway... but anything else you give them is toxic. For an alpha predator, cats are amazingly fragile and hard to treat.)

There was another visit a few weeks later, and despite eating well Tigger had lost more weight, and was showing signs of muscle atrophy. We discussed different possible causes, different meds, and so on, then took Tigger home. 

The problems (including an occasional seizure, which was scary as all get-out to watch) continued so it wasn't long before we took Tigger back to the vet again... and he'd lost a surprising amount of weight. A disturbing amount of weight. So much so that the vet spent some time going over possible causes with us, and asked if we'd authorize an X-ray to check Tigger's heart.  Of course, Mom said "yes" immediately.

The results were heartbreaking. Tigger's heart could not be clearly imaged because both lungs were partially opaque to X-rays due to rapidly spreading lung cancer. The images also showed that almost all Tigger's body fat was gone, consumed by the ravenous cancer taking over his lungs. The vet gave us some more of the pain control meds that worked, admonishing us "Not for much longer" and we took Tigger home.

Tigger had not been able to sit normally since coming back from the emergency clinic. It had been almost two months since he could jump onto the sofa, bed, or Mom's recliner. It had been over a month since he was able to climb the short distance into the bay window to sit in his favorite sunny spot. It had been weeks of watching him sometimes go stiff and fall over.  It had been weeks of watching him walk a short distance, then stop and either stand unsteadily in place or flop down on his side, breathing heavily.

AJ & Miriam came over to the house on Sunday, and each took some time saying goodbye to Tigger alone, and then as a family. Then, earlier today, we took Tigger to the vet.

We did not bring him home.

Tigger spent the day getting little blobs of mayonnaise, his favorite of favorites. He got quite a lot of it, actually, since neither Mom nor I knew the other was doing that (as if it mattered).   I tried to get a pawprint with some polymer clay, but he wasn't exactly happy to help.  Then I picked him up, put him in his carrier (with an extra pad on the bottom), and loaded him into the car.  They were ready for us at the veterinary hospital, where we learned Tigger had lost even more weight. Instead of being his usual annoyed self and presenting his butt to me until it was time to go home, he stayed near the opening of the carrier and was happy to have me scritching him under his jaw & ear.

After some discussion and a couple of transactions (so we could just walk out when we were ready), the vet gave Tigger a sedative and the tech brought in some thick, fuzzy blankets that we laid him on & covered him with. He never fully fell asleep, but about 15 minutes later Tigger was quietly dozing as the vet shaved one of his legs, found the right vein, and gave him one last injection. We talked to Tigger & stroked him as the breathing that had become so labored over the previous week slowed and stopped, and he was gone.

My good buddy Tigger, champion catcher of crickets and mice, forgiving play pal of a very young Pipsqueak, purring late night companion to Mom when she got lonely, was a little over 17 years old (somewhere in his late 80s in human years).

 

 I'll remember you, buddy. And miss you.  We all do. 


Tuesday, July 14, 2026

Just A Quick Addition Hot Off the Presses...

 I'll just quote the Pipsqueak for this one...

 "Guess who is now an AP Scholar?!?!"

To quote the formal description from the county... "AP Scholar With Distinction: Every fall, the AP Program recognizes high school students who have demonstrated outstanding college-level achievement through their performance on multiple AP Exams.  The AP Scholar with Distinction Award is granted to students who receive an average score of at least 3.5 on all AP Exams taken, and scores of 3 or higher on five or more of these exams." 

 (For reference, students can score 1-5 on an Advanced Placement exam; scores of 3 and above provide transferable college credits.)

 Miri added the comment, "I've only gotten one 3, the rest I got all 4s on." (Followed by two big "smile" emojis.)

 So yeah, I'm kvelling again. :-)


 

Sunday, June 21, 2026

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

 This is another of those "nothing pithy, just catching up" posts... with a little extra thought & wonderment hidden inside.

Miriam is 17. SEVENTEEN!  What the heck happened to that scrawny little baby I watched bonding with my sister in China?!?  (Just a few hours ago, she and three of her closest fellow adoptee friends were seriously talking about the possibility of the four of them renting a place for a few days at the beach next year. Yikes.)

She is now a high school senior.  Technically, she's not one until school actually starts in September... but the day after all of this year's seniors graduated, a teacher pointed out that her class is now the Senior Class of 2027 so yeah... she considers herself a senior.  She came out of her junior year with a higher grade point average than I ever dreamt of when I was her age, including several AP classes for through she's already earned college credits. She's also been elected President of at least three of the clubs she's involved with for the upcoming 2026-27 school year.

Memberships? Lessee... National Honors Society. National English Honors Society. National History Honors Society. National Music Honors Society.  International Thespian Society.  Oh, and mid-week last week she received a Letter of Commendation for Academic Standing.

This summer, she'll be spending some time with a paid(!) internship related to her goal to become a veterinarian.   We're all kind of holding our breath because the Pipsqueak does NOT, repeat NOT, like anything that seems even remotely related to bugs... and the group she'll be working with specializes in presentations & education about arthropods.  Should be interestin', as they say...

This week, after a few fits & starts, she got her driver's license. AJ had already bought a new(ish) car, so now I've had the absotively posilutely mind-blowing experience of looking over at the car next to me at a stoplight and seeing my niece waving at me from behind the wheel.  

Related to the above, when we all went out to dinner to celebrate the family's newest licensed driver, Miriam made an off-the-cuff remark to AJ that the previous day was the last time she'd have to drive her to school in the morning. This was promptly followed by Miriam getting up and holding one of the world's longest Mommy hugs when she realized not just what she said but what it also meant. (Some goals are bittersweet when achieved.) 

I'm slowly getting used to the idea that we aren't going to have any more afternoon drives to the dance studio, during which we would talk about everything from who was dating who in school to national politics to why she was freaking out over her too-crowded but self-imposed schedule to explaining details the Health teacher glossed over in the reproductive health unit (TBH, these made me sweat a bit, but we were both grownups about it) to how much we miss her Grandpa and how worried we are about her Grandma to... well, to pretty much anything under the sun. (Always with the occasional "OH! I LOVE THIS SONG!" followed by a sing-along with the 80s station I keep my car radio tuned to.)  I have to admit that I'm really, really, REALLY gonna miss those snippets of time where it was just the two of us. On paper, I'm "just" an adoptive uncle, but this is My Little Girl and everyone knows it.

In Chinese dance, she just performed for what is likely the last time ever with some of the girls she's danced with since she was five years old. All three had basically graduated from the program but came back for this particular performance; one is almost 18, one is already 18, and one is 19; all three have either graduated from high school or finished their freshman year of college. The teacher made the remark that Miriam is "her baby" and that when she graduates next year, it will be a difficult transition despite her now running a successful private Chinese dance program with many students. 

In competitive (Western) dance, Miriam competed two different solos this season, along with being in several small and large group dances. The result is that we now semi-joke about AJ needing a bigger house to make room for all her daughter's plaques, trophies, and certificates. (The kid can dance.) She also taught a "littles" class during the season, and is now teaching a total of five(!) classes for the "littles" and younger students during the summer. 

Miriam is well along in the process of writing essays for her college admissions applications, and is trying to get as much of the whole process out of the way as quickly as possible. She's got a list of eight "Plan A" schools and is slowly building a list of "Plan B" schools just in case -- but I don't doubt her ability to be accepted into almost any school she chooses.  Paying for it may be a bit of an adventure, but we'll all do what we have to... and she's been careful to pick schools that are more likely to be affordable and/or have more opportunities for scholarships.

 In short, it's been a heck of a year so far -- in a good way.  We're all hangin' in and dealing with the (many) varied sources of day-to-day stress, especially involving Tigger (the cat). He had a major medical situation recently and to be honest is not doing nearly as well as we'd like despite ongoing extra care, meds, and special food. In human terms he's in his late 80s so it's expected, but still... He's the last family pet that Mom & Dad had together, and one of the first that Miriam met when she came home.  Fingers (and eyes, and toes, and lungs, and pancreas) remain crossed but sometimes one has to prepare for what one does not want to prepare for,

As for me?  Well, earlier this year I collected my first coronary stent, and recently spent a ridiculous amount of money to (hopefully) keep my car safely on the road for another couple of years, and every morning am now taking enough pills to rattle when I walk... but overall my health is good and improving, and everyone keeps telling my my tests show that I'm actually a very healthy person as long as I take care of myself, so that's what I'm working on doing a much better job of doing.

After all... I want to see how many more honors the Pipsqueak earns this year... and for a lot of years yet to come.  She's truly at the point where she's not a "kid" anymore, but a young woman with quite the head on her shoulders and the drive to achieve whatever goals she sets for herself.

But in my mind's eye. I still see that scrawny little girl in a booster seat in the back of my car. :-)

 


 

Sunday, May 10, 2026

Just Popping Back In for A Moment

 There's been a lot of stuff happening -- I can't believe my last post was roughly half a year ago! -- but at the moment I have just enough time for a really cool addition to the photos. We are all so stinkin' proud of this young lady!


 Way to go, Pipsqueak!  :-)


 

Sunday, November 16, 2025

Just A Bit of Kvelling

 Just dropping in for a very quick note... This proud uncle just wanted to mention that a certain VIP has been formally inducted into the National English Honor Society.  :-)

 



 I'll be back soon with more posts... I think there's a lot to talk about...  

Monday, September 1, 2025

FIFTEEN YEARS HOME

 Wow... has it really been fifteen years?

The five-year anniversary of the trip to meet & bring the Pipsqueak home was A Big Deal on my blog... and the ten-year anniversary was in some ways even bigger. You'd think that fifteen years -- an actual lifetime for some people -- would warrant a whole series of posts of both the "On this day in China" and "looking back, looking forward" variety.

So here I am, finally posting about the 15th anniversary of the very reason for this blog's existence over a month late.

Funny thing is... I've been trying to write those posts since earlier this year, way back before the actual "on this date" dates. Despite that, I've never gotten more than a few lines in before abandoning what (little) I had written. There's something very different now, in a sort of bittersweet way.

Fifteen years after Miriam joined the family, she really isn't "my adopted niece" (and hasn't been for a long, long time) -- she's just Miriam, a massively important member (and the emotional centerpiece) of the family. China is much more an increasingly fuzzy memory than a reality now, and the difficult paperchase prior to that has finally lost most of its sharp edges and has devolved into "it was a tough time, but it's long over."

The world, of course, is a VERY different place now... in ways that frequently leave me flipping between deep sorrow and absolute rage on a daily, if not hourly, basis.  My sister's original plan to have a younger sibling for her daughter had evaporated by the time I was posting the 5-year anniversary memories, and to be honest the idea of a heritage trip back to China so Miriam could experience it for herself was slowly but steadily being shelved by the time the 10-year anniversary came & went.  (That idea now occasionally surfaces in conversation as something we would've liked to do but that is unlikely to ever happen.)

In some ways, I find that all very sad. There was so much more hope in our lives back then, so much newness and learning, so many more possibilities, so many experiences to share with loved ones. My sister has become a two-time cancer survivor, the 2nd time requiring 8-1/2 hours of surgery with two surgeons tag-teaming each other to remove and then rebuild part of her tongue, leaving all of us nervous & worried for days before each of her follow-up oncology visits (now reduced to just once per year). Miriam has lost her beloved Grandpa and her much-loved Great-Uncle Marty, and she now regularly reminds Mom that she absolutely requires her Grandma to attend her high school graduation in 2027.

There have been other losses as well... One of the families that was in China with us fractured a few years after our return, and since then the mom who shared the experience with us has passed away. Although Miriam's been in contact with the other girls a couple of times and a few holiday greetings have been exchanged, the family-style links we all hoped for never really came to be; now the girls are all in high school or college, beginning to create new lives on their own that are unlikely to include each other to any major degree.

And yet all is not sad, all is not loss. The very mundanity of much of what has happened in the past fifteen years shows how much Miriam ceased to be the adopted kid and became just family.  I'm privileged to have a close enough relationship with her to find myself frequently having deep discussions about relationships, love, growing up, how to deal with all the "stuff" that life tends to throw at teens, how to navigate the shoals of puberty, how to deal with both bullies and crushes. There have been times when she's cried against me until my shirt was wet, and times I've watched her laugh so hard that literal tears of joy ran down her face.

In short... life is normal (or whatever it is that passes for "normal" these days).  We have our disagreements and inside jokes, we share our victories and our pains, voice complaints about needing to walk the dog in bad weather and how some teachers seem to delight in assigning more homework than there are hours to complete it in, and scramble to figure out this whole "growing up" thing. (One thing has become absolutely clear to me: they cannot print enough money to convince me to relive that period of my life; just helping Miriam navigate all the need-to-be-learned lessons about relationships and love and body chemistry and all the feels has practically left me with PTSD!)

None of us is a Pollyanna about it; being adopted puts Miriam in a special category, a group of human beings who often have hidden and unmet needs & expectations. Things most people take for granted usually remain question marks for adoptees, and Miriam is no exception. I have a birth certificate that tells me exactly where I was born, including date and time of day; Miriam has an official birthday based on the estimate of doctors at the clinic where she was found, with zero indication of if she was born in that town or in one of the eleven small farming villages scattered around it, and certainly no idea of what time... She doesn't even have any way to know who her biological parents were, what they were like, what daily life was like for her birth family, if she has any siblings, the list goes on and on.

And yet... the kid's an absolute warrior. Yes. of course she's gotten guidance & advice from all of us, but she's the one who's had to navigate the questions, the odd looks, the first (and then second!) heartbreak over crushes collapsing or being snuffed out, bullying by The Popular Girls at dance for a year, betrayals by people she thought were friends, the horror of watching her beloved Grandpa descend into the abyss of advanced dementia, the deep sorrow of suddenly and unexpectedly losing the great-uncle she had built a special bond with in her first few days home. 

One of the first phrases she said regularly was "I hep!" when she'd see any of us trying to do something, insisting she would help lift, carry, move, or whatever else she thought would ease the burden for us. She has always driven herself to do her best in school, pushing even when repeatedly reminded she's there to learn, not to know everything in advance, and that straight A's are neither required nor expected.. all while dedicating 10-20 hours every week to her studio's dance team and her Chinese dance group. (Since the very first dance class, AJ has insisted that she'll support Miriam's dancing as long as it's something she truly wants to do -- and that she would be expected to stop as soon as she felt that was the right thing to do. It's Miriam's choice to continue putting in the effort, sometimes to the point where we have to remind her she really needs to reserve a few hours out of every 24 for things like sleeping, eating, and breathing.)

Miriam is one of the oldest and most experienced dancers on her studio's team, dancing competitively in large groups, small groups, and solos -- and winning awards & accolades in multiple national competitions. She's one of the dancers in a small group (now finally established as an independent studio) performing a variety of Chinese dances in multiple public forums. She's in the school band, the school pep band, was on the school newspaper, is an officer in the school's Wellness Committee (dedicated mainly to students' mental health), is a Student Ambassador, and is continually recognized outside the school for her talent as a dancer in both the school's annual musical production and the annual "Rock and Roll Revival" show.... and I'm leaving out literally half of all the stuff she does.

She's also reached some important milestones this year -- she got her learner's permit a couple of months ago, and expects to have earned her actual driver's license by the end of the year. (A certain number of road hours are required both day & night, so AJ and I are getting used to her driving us around. She's pretty good, but still hasn't experienced highway driving or night driving. I'm not worried.)  She's also begun helping with the youngest students at Chinese dance, and will be starting a paying job at the main dance studio teaching a class not long after I post this.... and this past Friday, at the first after-school meeting to prepare for the school's annual musical production, it was announced that she will be the student choreographer for the whole show!

We also just had a "wow, time's moving fast" moment this past weekend. The dance studio where Miriam had several of her birthday parties? Well, on Saturday she was paid to be the student helper at parties for two little girls turning 8 and 9. 

As for the future, Miriam has wanted to be a veterinarian since she was three -- with a short period of, "Maybe I should look at other careers...?" last year being the only time she wavered on that decision. She's been collecting information about schools, scholarships, job opportunities, and the realities of the field in earnest for the past year, and there will be some college visits in the spring & summer of 2026. She's run into a bit of a brick wall when looking for work experience in the field because literally every group, practice, and animal hospital she's checked with has said, "Come back when you're eighteen." Nevertheless, she's begun looking for opportunities volunteering or working with animal rescue groups & shelters in the area to make sure she's got some experience in the field long before she actually hits the campus of college, much less a veterinary school.

I still refer to my niece as "Pipsqueak" sometimes, but it's now just a term of endearment for use within the family. Fifteen years (plus) after completing the family, she's grown into a young lady who is more concerned about being a good friend, a caring person, and a conscientious student than about fashion and boys and "teenage stuff" -- although, believe me, there's a good measure of all that in her life as well. :-) 

There are aspects of her that we all joke about being able to tell which member of the family she got them from, but she is truly very much her own person. She dislikes being the center of attention if she's not dancing onstage, will go out of her way & inconvenience herself to be present for a friend who's hurting, is always working to improve her skills as a dancer without ever resting on her laurels, and is constantly the recipient of comments about how friendly, positive, caring, uplifting, helpful, trustworthy, and mature she is from teens & adults alike.

A little over fifteen years ago, I watched the Shadow Child of imagination vanish as a scrawny little girl who liked sticking out her tongue was placed in my sister's arms in a government office halfway across the planet. She was unsure of what to do with some of the toys we gave her, didn't know how to react when tickled, and had to adapt to literally having her entire world yanked out from under her every 24-48 hours for almost two weeks before ending up in a place that looked, sounded, tasted, and smelled alien to her.

These days I watch a young lady push & pull herself through difficulties while striving to improve her skills & grow her knowledge, all while actively working to use her empathy to make things better for everyone around her. Her yearbook from last year is filled with signatures from friends ranging from mid-teens to young adults all talking about how she's the friendliest, sweetest, most helpful, most trustworthy person they know and to never change.  AJ's job has turned into a bit of a mess with ridiculously long hours, so for the past couple of years Miriam has prepared her lunch for her every day, and usually cooks dinner as well -- not because she had to or was asked to, but because she wanted to. (She can actually get kinda ornery if someone has the temerity to suggest she does otherwise.)

I can't  carry Miriam on my shoulders anymore, there's a missing place at the table when we all get together for a meal, and her Grandma (now 91!) can't walk very far without help... but we are all very much a family, and Miriam is the absolute heart & soul of it all.

I can't wait to see what she accomplishes over the next 15 years, and the 15 after that.  (I may not be around for the full second block of 15 years, but I'm sure as hell gonna try for that and more.)

Fifteen years home, and more amazing by the day.

To the moon and back, Pipsqueak...  Always.

Friday, March 28, 2025

When Did She Get So... Old?!?

Jump in the Wayback Machine... set the dial for 2008 or 2009 (the conversation happened more than once)... and let's eavesdrop a little.  My sister is discussing future plans with me and one phrase is, "...and you're going to teach the kid to drive."

Now return to 2025, and this happened the other day... 

Miriam Facetimed me on her way to take the test, and busted out laughing when she saw my reaction to the news. "You look terrified, Uncle Brian!" 

Gotta admit, she wasn't too far off the mark.  Was 2008 really that long ago? Was China really that long ago?  Hell, the kid was just a toddler yesterday, wasn't she?

Anyway, I have to post this now & go offline so I can pick her up and take her to an empty parking lot somewhere so she can start practicing... Yikes.  :-)



Wednesday, February 26, 2025

Some Good Stuff, Some Worrisome Stuff

 Well, lookie here -- I'm posting twice in the space of a month! Crazy, huh?

Anyway, let's get the worrisome stuff out of the way. So far, we haven't experienced any of this ourselves, but families with members adopted from China are reporting difficulties renewing passports, questions about country of birth, questions about citizenship, requests to send literally irreplaceable documents to bureaucratic offices via regular USPS mail, and delays in forms being processed. When you consider how enthusiastically the "leadership" of this nation is at getting rid of (or at least prosecuting) non-White, non-Christian "foreigners"... well, let's just say we're wary.

So on to some of the good stuff...  Miriam's dance team had their first competition of the season this past weekend, and the group dance she was in placed first in category with a "Platinum Plus" rating, 7th overall in the age group,  and won both a Hollywood Bound Judges' Award and a "Golden Ticket" slot in the organization's Nationals later this year.  Not too shabby, eh?  (Yes, I'm kvelling again.)

What's really scaring me right now is the knowledge that, by the end of March, that scrawny little 13-month-old pipsqueak we met in China will be eligible for her Learner's Permit -- as in, she's about to become a driver. (Somewhere about 17-18 years back, I still remember my sister's comment, "...and you'll have to teach her how to drive.") YIKES.  I already let Miriam sit behind the wheel of my car -- after moving the seat about as far forward as it would go! -- and see what it felt like to be there when the car was moving* so right now whenever the subject of driving comes up she's a bundle of excitement, anticipation, and more than a little fear that I can't help but laugh at sometimes.  They grow up fast, ya know?

 *We were in a parking lot and I had my hand on the shift lever, all she did was lift her foot off the brake for a moment, then let out a yell when the car started to roll and stomped the brake again as I slipped the car into Neutral. :-)

Anyway, we've had a less-than-stellar month (2 year anniversary of Dad's death, 1 year anniversary of my uncle's death, and Mom wound up spending a week in the local ER/IMC and will finally be returning home from the rehab center this weekend) so I just wanted to poke my head back in the door for a moment before trying to get some badly needed sleep.

Talk at'cha later -

 

Friday, February 7, 2025

It's Getting Downright Scary Out There

When I was younger and did a lot of reading, I used to wonder what it would be like to actually be a character in one of the books I read. Since Mom was an English teacher who made sure I felt comfortable discussing "uncomfortable" topics openly with her & Dad, I had read 1984 and Animal Farm and Brave New World and Farenheit 451 and other "mature" books by the time I was 10, so I had some pretty wild ideas of what character I might have been, or what I might have done in some rather unpleasant plot lines.

I just never thought I'd actually live to be a character in a dystopian science fiction novel... or that it would be the bastard child of The Handmaid's Tale and 1984, with the "Horst Wessel Lied" as its soundtrack.

Looking at what people are posting in adoption-related commentaries, online forums, and social media groups, I'm seeing a steadily-growing number of people in situations like my family's desperately looking for trustworthy information about domestic readoption, how to get proof of citizenship for their kids, how to deal with local and/or federal workers who don't like the idea of someone being born outside the US being considered the actual legal dependent of someone born inside the US, and so on.

It's not "downright scary," it's frakking terrifying.

Miriam is a competitive dancer who is an integral part of the studio she dances for & takes classes at. She represents her birth culture through dance (through a different dance studio) by performing a variety of dances from various Chinese ethnicities. She is a member of her high school's orchestra, pep band, Student Wellness Committee, student newspaper (at least for the 1st half of the year, there was no room in her school schedule the 2nd half), and several other clubs. She has been a Student Ambassador, speaking with middle school students about what to expect in high school and discussing student needs & problems with County-level committees. She's been in one of the schools 2 annual musical productions (and would've been in the 2nd if it didn't get in the way of the pre-scheduled dance competitions she pledged she would participate in) and was a dance captain for the production, will be one of only 2 or 3 (total) non-pom or cheerleader dancers in the school's big annual musical review (for the 2nd year in a row), and is carrying a better-than-decent GPA that includes two Advanced Placement classes that actually count as college credits.

And now we're finding ourselves having to sit down and discuss possibilities so heinous that I honestly did not think were possible until mid-2024 because nothing in the preceding paragraph seems to matter at all to those in positions of power. She's Jewish. She's Asian. She's an immigrant. She's planning on becoming a veterinarian... And the first two points are potentially dangerous (much more so than when some 6th grade dweeb told her she was responsible for Covid just before the lockdowns began), the 3rd point could actually see someone try to "send her back where she came from," and the last point is something that members of Congress have stated they don't think is the right thing for a female of the species to be doing.

We've all sat down & planned out which papers we're going to get copies of, when & how to get her an updated passport... and how quickly we can get our passports renewed and where we might be able to go if someone decides deportation or holding camps are the right answer for non-Anglo immigrants in this White Christian country.

Do I sound crazy? I certainly thought so, a few years ago. But now it's an everyday waking nightmare. If you have enough different news sources (that can be verified by others, not just Left or Right propaganda sources), you'll already know about people being detained by ICE just for speaking a language that isn't English; pulled from their homes for deportation even while following all the rules and having their citizenship papers being processed; accused of stealing jobs from "worthwhile" citizens just because they're female and/or not Caucasian; and all kinds of other "fun stuff" that's at least supported, if not actually done, by what is supposed to be our government.

It's getting downright scary out there... and we're trying to figure out how to protect Miriam, and a lot of other people like her.

Wish us luck. We're gonna need it.




G
M
T
Y
Text-to-speech function is limited to 200 characters

Friday, November 15, 2024

What the @%#&...?

 Well, now here's a blog post I never thought I'd be making.

 Special note: there are a couple of words in here that are not nice. I'm using them either for historical context or to better convey my emotions.

Growing up in a U.S. Foreign Service family -- and a Jewish one at that -- I learned early on that I had to be careful admitting my nationality (rarely mistaken, but I often hung out with friends of multiple other nationalities), and especially careful admitting my religion (depending upon where in the world I was and who I was talking to).  Due to her age, L'il Sis didn't experience that as much when we were in South America, but she got a full dose of the "Oh, you're that" when we lived in Europe... usually from our "fellow" Americans, but no one had a monopoly on sucky behaviors.

That, along with other aspects of living outside one's "home" culture and country, gave us both a pretty good idea of what it feels like to be "the other," to not quite fit in, to have a "normal" that doesn't match the baseline of anyone else around us. That familiarity with otherness has helped us help Miriam navigate some of the things she's encountered (and that still pop show up unannounced and uninvited on the front porch of her psyche from time to time).

There was one thing we could depend on, though... Our otherness was a product of living in a "foreign" country. As homey as our abodes overseas felt, there was always a background hiss in the recording of "when we get back home," "things work better than this back home," "it's easier to be understood back home," and such.

Of course, in all the intervening years since last living "on the economy" outside the U.S., we've both had a steadily increasing number of experiences teaching us a new lesson: it ain't necessarily so. It's the battle  cry of probably every generation that's ever been: Kids these days, they just don't understand.  The "common" cultural references we took for granted seem to be less common by the day, behaviors and mores and ethics seem to be changing, and fer cryin' out loud what is it with everyone having some kind of digital device plastered to their face all the time instead of actually talking to each other face-to-face?

But there's also been an undertone, slowly growing in volume, that's been especially unnerving. Things we were specifically taught to not do or say, despite the casual bigotries & exclusions so common in the past. And now...

Now there's a vocal majority of Americans who have chosen to support a platform in which The Other is vilified, considered dangerous, meant to be a target; in which people who aren't obviously from a lineage that's been in the country a long time (read: Whites and American Blacks) are supposed to be "sent back home;" in which it's okay to be as nasty as you want; and in many cases, in which being a non-Christian means you're just wrong and need to be corrected (or sent back "home" where you came from). 

(Quick aside: For many years, Dad -- very definitely a "my country right or wrong" kind of guy -- said that when taken as a whole, the American electorate was one of the stupidest on the planet. I know he would not be pleased to see how right he was.)

When I was a kid, there was this wonderful, safe, welcoming place that I knew I could go back to when the place I was living got too dangerous, a place where the rule of law guaranteed safety and order and freedom, a place where I might have to worry a little bit about being of the "wrong" religion but where I'd fit in 95% of the time no matter what. Yes, there were things my parents were shielding me from that I didn't know about until much later, but in general the words "United States of America" meant safety and shelter and acceptance.

Now I've got a small(ish), very obviously Asian, somewhat obviously Jewish, more than slightly Liberal niece who is home but suddenly has to be extra-careful what she says out loud or how she acts in public exactly the way I did when I was much younger and living in other countries... and who might even have to worry about someone deciding her otherness is so overwhelming that she needs to be sent back "home" where she came from because, after all, she's not my sister's "real" daughter.

(Yes, that's a much more extreme case and -- hopefully -- much less likely... but Mom is old enough to remember when "the Nips" were all herded into internment camps regardless of citizenship or loyalty due to their otherness. And Miriam is acutely aware of the fact that she's a member of this family because another family elected to essentially send her away.)

So now my discussions with my sister (and several close friends who know & care about Miriam's well-being) include questions about how to renew expired passports, who knows a good adoption lawyer so she can re-adopt her beloved daughter in her state of residence "just in case," how to help an already angsty treen remain true to herself without painting herself too brightly as an "other," and what's going to happen to her chances to choose her own future when we've already seen people holding up signs that read "Women are Property."

How did we get here?  What the actual fuck happened?




Saturday, September 7, 2024

End of the Line for Adoptions from China

According to the U.S. Department of State, there were 4,108 children adopted from the People's Republic of China ("PRC") by U.S. citizens in 1999, the earliest year for which I have numbers. The numbers of adoptions swelled until 2005, when State said there were 7,903 such adoptions -- but other sources put the number as high as 14,496.  The total number of children adopted by U.S. families from China decreased steadily after that, but still numbered in the thousands -- until the PRC began changing the rules, making it much more difficult for anyone to adopt a child without special needs.

The bell really began to toll for adoptions from the PRC when State reported only 1,475 in 2018... a number which then plummeted to just 202(!) in 2020, and zero in 2021.  The pandemic accounted for most of this, but the system had already begun to shut down, and it never came back to anything near previous levels when the PRC "reopened" post-pandemimonium.

As recently as the June/July timeframe of this year, the CCWA (the PRC's governmental department responsible for administering foreign adoptions) was setting even more draconian limits on foreign adoptions, with only four U.S. agencies being authorized to participate and the "Waiting List" of special needs children being phased out to be transitioned to a special website that, quite frankly, sounded almost like a dating app where little more than a photo and some very basic information for each child would be available for families to choose from.

At least, that was the direction things were moving in; that final "dating app" transition will apparently never take place.

Just a few days ago, the U.S. Department of state released the following notice (emphasis is mine):


The Department of State received a notification from the People's Republic of China (PRC) Ministry of Civil Affairs (MCA) stating the following:

...beginning August 28, 2024, except for foreigners adopting stepchildren and children of collateral relatives within three generations in China, civil affairs departments across China will no longer carry out foreign adoption work. 

Upon receiving this information via a formal note, we spoke with the MCA on September 2. The MCA verbally stated to U.S. consulate staff in Guangzhou that this announcement applies to all pending adoptions as well as those being considered in the future. The MCA told us they completed processing of all cases with previously issued travel authorizations and will not continue to process cases at any stage, other than the collateral relative exceptions noted above. Our embassy in the PRC will request the information we received verbally in writing so we can be certain we understand PRC policies going forward and share them with you.

We know this is a devastating notice to many of you who have been waiting for years to complete an adoption in the PRC. We never wish to be the bearer of bad news, but we are committed to transparency and wanted to share this information with you as we received it. We understand the distress this announcement will cause you and our hearts are with you.


What this means is that several hundred U.S. families who are already in the adoption process are having the door slammed in their faces... and that stories like Miriam's are now relegated to the history books.

I've tried before to communicate the stress, the anguish, the pain that were all integral parts of The Wait, but I truly cannot imagine the kind of absolute, devastating heartbreak being experienced by families who were in the process but had not yet received travel authorization from the PRC.  My heart -- the hearts of all of us in this family, and our extended family of the "MITs" and other families whose children were born in China -- hurt for them, and for the children who will now never be part of a loving forever family.

Wishing you all love and peace –




G
M
T
Y
Text-to-speech function is limited to 200 characters