One pleasant interlude was the 3rd birthday party for Miri's cousin Nate (also an adoptee) early in May. There was quite a crowd jammed happily & noisily into our cousins' house, where a diverse group of adults kept the conversation flowing as a herd of rug rats did their stuff. There was a big inflatable bouncy house in the backyard that even a couple of grownups tried (most notably Nate's dad -- hi, Cuz!), and a piñata that steadfastly refused to die until finally getting some really solid whacks from, if I remember correctly, a couple of parents who were getting worried about so many small kids getting so many chances to swing a bat around in close quarters. (It was a lightweight plastic bat, but still... LOL)
Throughout it all, I watched my sister watching the kids, and I could see that expression on her face from time to time... You know, the one people have when they see something they really, really want but it always seems just out of their reach... She had a great time holding some of the newest/smallest members of the herd, and a number of the folks there knew about The Wait and provided some much-appreciated support and some helpful advice.
What we didn't know at the time was that roughly 9,600 miles away, a pregnant woman who would totally change the trajectory of all our lives was approaching her due date. We can't be sure of her exact location, her state of mind, or her situation, but I'm sure life for her at the time was becoming increasingly difficult and that she knew an incredibly difficult decision was fast approaching.
Now, a decade later, that woman remains unknown but the baby she was carrying is rapidly morphing from "little girl" into "tween" -- plenty of energy, plenty of attitude, and the ability to turn the drama on & off at a moment's notice (although she really is very good at knowing when to turn it off and keep it off... but yeah, she's approaching her teen years).
It's been a tough year for the Pipsqueak, nothing at all like what we'd envisioned. She'll be done with elementary school in June, and is about 1/3 relieved to be getting out of the school she's in, 1/3 worried about what her new school will be like, and 1/3 really excited about the coming school year. Unfortunately, with the current pandemic precautions in place, the school's end-of-year picnic has been cancelled... the Patrol picnic has been cancelled... the talent show has been cancelled... the 5th grade "senior class" event has been cancelled... and the "graduation" event has been cancelled.
The icing on the cupcake is the online virtual classes -- the county school system's been doing a decent job of keeping things rolling but some of the "canned" online courses really leave something to be desired in a variety of ways. (There are even complaints from some of the teachers, most of whom have been reduced to "talking heads" with little to do beyond tell the kids what video they should watch on which day, and then review the work that's scanned in & emailed to them.)
Even worse is the separation from friends. Miri is a gregarious, outgoing personality and being limited to seeing her friends on a computer screen is slowly grinding her down. She's been speaking about feeling alone a lot more, with echoes of abandonment & lack of bonding from her time in China. She knows she's loved and will often make a point of looking to help with chores & participate in whatever we're doing, but (as she has begun pointing out more frequently) all her time is spent with adults while the very limited time she has with friends is all via phone, tablet, or computer.
Just to rub salt in the wound, she's mentioned that most of her friends have siblings within a couple of years of their age so they always have someone around who's in the same age group. She & AJ were talking about it during one of their Mommy/Daughter walks this past weekend, and AJ told me they ran down the list of every single one of the kids Miri is friendly with -- and only ONE is a single child. The saving grace is that the friend in question is another member of our MIT[1] group who has an intimate first-person understanding of the issues Miri is dealing with; they've always had a close relationship, so they're providing each other with a much-needed outlet for venting and some much-needed emotional support -- albeit only via electronic means, which is proving to fill the bill to a progressively smaller degree.
In addition, at various times over the last couple of years we'd also spoken openly about trying to have a ten year adoption anniversary mini-reunion with at least one of the families we'd traveled to China with. We still exchange cards & photos from time to time -- and I can't really recognize the young women those little girls have grown into! -- and since we're all dispersed around the eastern half of the U.S. we thought it would be fun to all meet at a central location and spend a weekend catching up with each other. All that, of course, has now been tossed out the window and replaced with "maybe someday, we'll have to see."
Add in some family medical adventures, the uncertainty of any plans through the summer, a few other assorted concerns, and the Pipsqueak's worries about Mommy working every day in a nursing home where some individuals have tested positive for COVID-19... and she's coping, but really not enjoying it. (Dude, are you really doing any better?)
Before I go totally into "gloom and doom" territory, there are some silver linings in the clouds overhead. Miri will essentially be ending 5th grade with a year's worth of straight-A report cards, is getting better at playing the flute (which amuses us to no end, since when AJ tried the same instrument about 30 years back the joke was that all she did was annoy every dog within a 5-mile radius), continues both regular & Chinese dance classes through Zoom sessions, and has discovered a love for historical fiction stories. At least one "cancelled" dance recital has been rescheduled for December, some other related issues are slowly being settled, and she's beginning to show both talent for and enjoyment of writing. I'm making progress on a number of personal projects, Mom & Dad are hanging in, and the whole extended family (plus friends) have managed to stay (mostly) healthy. Things ain't great, but they could be a whole lot worse and for that I'm grateful.
Oh, one more new development... Back when Miri was six or seven, I thought she might like the Harry Potter books -- but she kinda ran out of steam about halfway through Chapter 3 of the first book. She's always known about the stories (and her 4th grade teacher was quite the Potterhead) but was never really interested beyond finding out what Hogwarts house she was in (Ravenclaw, just like her uncle). Well, this past Saturday night AJ rented "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone" and about an hour after the movie ended I got a text from my niece:
omg I am obsessed with Harry Potter!So now she's borrowing Mommy's books and has expressed serious annoyance at both AJ and I telling her that since we had to wait up to a year to find out how certain situations resolved, she was going to simply have to read & watch the movies herself to find out what happens next because we weren't going to tell her. (Mom thought it was really funny and refused to spill the beans, too.)
So here we are, looking around at a situation that could be called a mess, or a weird time in life, or a time of learning, or many other things (which is why I couldn't figure out what to call it in the title of this post). The Pipsqueak is definitely dealing with emotions & ideas firmly rooted in her experience as an adoptee and we're doing our best to help; that's going to be an ongoing story for many years to come, so I'm just trying to be there when she needs someone to lean on while staying out of the way (but observant) while she works through things both on her own & with others who understand. I know the general day-to-day uncertainty will eventually ease, maybe even be solved, but until then am dealing with living in "fight or flight" mode 24x7 and trying to help Miri through the same experience. We all know we're living through a period that will be showing up in history books in the future and doing the best we can.
...but if someone mentions that old Chinese curse about living in "interesting times" to me one more time...!
<sigh>
I'll be posting again soon. Until then -- stay healthy, y'all!
[1] For anyone new to the blog, "MIT" stands for "Moms In Training" -- the name a group of now-friends gave themselves back while everyone was waiting for their China adoptions to go through. The name just sorta stuck, so when I say "MIT" I'm talking about our group of friends with kids adopted from China, not an expensive ivy-league school.
